Thoughtful Thursday

  In the past, I would never have really considered myself a perfectionist. I wear sweats to the grocery store. There are days I don’t comb my hair. If you could only see my entry closet. But, I have come to realize that perfectionism shows up in different ways. Like starting a goal but never finishing it. Or never starting because perfect is the only standard. I love how Jon Acuff teaches about this in his book, Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done. Mike Peasley, a researcher from the University of Memphis, approached Jon in 2016 about doing a study on what worked and what didn't’t work when it came to goal-setting. What he learned from this study changed his whole perspective. No matter the goal, “The less that people aimed for perfect, the more productive they became.” I used to think that in order to reach my goals I just needed to push myself By doing more. Trying harder. Applying the latest tips or tricks to be more productive, organized or manage my time better.  This...

I am traveling with some of my family this week. Vacationing with others can be interesting. There can be many different opinions, ideas, and expectations. Sometimes, it can be amazing. And other times, it is not.  For example, yesterday, my husband and I had a misunderstanding. I felt angry and frustrated. I could feel myself withdrawing and being very defensive. I couldn’t believe he didn’t understand why I was upset. It made perfect sense to me. I watched myself through this experience.  At one point, I remember thinking that I had two choices. I could continue being angry and creating a miserable time for myself. Or, I could believe that my husband and I didn’t see eye to eye  AND That’s okay. When I allowed myself to believe that nothing had gone wrong, I no longer needed to convince myself that I was justified in what I believed and felt. We all have good reasons to feel what we are feeling. When we can believe everything will be okay, we can slow ourselves down And...

I recently learned a formula for progress from one of my mentors, Jody Moore.  It doesn’t even require any math. This formula can be a game changer if you will apply it. Are you ready? Progress = Accountability + Grace It is simple. This equation is perfect for life’s classroom. Both accountability and grace are required for you to progress. Without accountability, you may tend to blame others for the things you wish were different in your life. This leaves you stuck. When you are accountable for the life experience you are creating, The opportunity for awareness and growth opens up to you. However, accountability alone can lead to shame Which also leaves you stuck. You become aware of who you want to be and the life you want to create. But, you beat up on yourself because you don’t measure up to the expectations you have set for yourself. Believing that if you are hard on yourself, you will do better. This NEVER works. This is why this formula is amazing.  Accountability brin...

  Did your parents ever tell you that the world didn't revolve around you? Have you said that to your own children? I have. We all know what I mean when I say that. All things in this world don't revolve around our preferences. Things don't always go our way. Sometimes we have to share or take turns. Other people have different opinions than us. But what I am going to talk about here is different. I really don't believe that most people think that the world revolves around them. But, as humans we are really good at believing that we are the reference point.   This concept is explained really well by Kara Loewentheil. As we learn more about thought work, we come to understand that just because we are having a thought about something doesn't make it true. We begin to question and get curious about our thinking. This is so important to managing our minds. However, Kara teaches that we often don't realize or see that "we are taking our ...

  Calm. Curious. Compassionate. The other day I was listening to a podcast and Dr. Wendy Ulrich was a featured guest. She shared what she calls the 3 c's. I keep reflecting on them. These three steps can make all the difference as we navigate the relationships in our lives.  This includes the relationship we have with ourselves and God.  First, be calm. Pause and take a deep breath. There are many things outside of our control but we have the power to choose our response. If we will slow down, we will see that things will be okay. They may not be what we thought they would be. Or, what we necessarily want but it will be okay.  Second, get curious. Take a few steps back and give yourself some space to get a different perspective. Ask yourself questions. Could there be another way to look at it? Dr. Ulrich said to think of the most benevolent reason why someone does something instead of going straight to the worst case scenario.  What is t...

Today I sat with grief. I called it by name. Grief. I felt it in my chest. My shoulders were heavy. Tears filled my eyes. Grief. My throat was tight. I spoke to myself. "Jill, this is what grief feels like today." I breathed it in. I opened my heart to it. I moved toward it.  I observed myself experiencing grief.  I didn't judge myself. I just allowed it.  The human experience brings with it loss and grief. This is evidence of the love and connection we have with the people in our lives. C.S. Lewis wrote, "The pain now is part of the happiness then.  That is the deal." When we take the time to grieve, we honor our loss and embrace the love and life we shared.  As we move through the seasons of grief and turn to the Savior, we can find hope, healing and meaning. However, the first step is allowing ourselves time to grieve. Today, I sat with grief.

  My sisters and I are caring for our almost 91 year old father. He has had a lot of changes over the last year and a half. Including the passing of my sweet mom. My sisters and I are navigating our way through this new season of life and the challenges that come with  it. We work together to care and love him the best we can.  My dad's body is getting tired and worn out. He is forgetting. He misses my mom terribly. He is lonely. Surrounded by people. But lonely. My brain tells me this is sad and that I need to fix it.  To control things outside of me so I can feel better. But when I come from a place of sadness, worry, frustration or anger, I am not able to show up as the  daughter I want to be.  Instead, it becomes about me wanting him to feel better so that I can feel better. We had an argument last week because I was trying to make him see my point of view on something. Obviously, I believed I was "right."  I knew exactly how things "should" be so ...