Thoughtful Thursday

I have had the privilege over the last few weeks to be taught by some of the best life coaches.  It has been so fun to be able to gather with others in person and learn. I will admit it was like drinking out of a fire house but it was incredible. One thing I realized after this amazing month is that the basics of human behavior and coaching never change. One of those basics is that we all want other people to change so that we can feel better.  Even those of us who know it isn't possible to change other people still wish we could at some level. Our brains are designed to seek pleasure, to conserve energy, and to avoid pain. They are built for survival and they are always doing a risk assessment but our brains can't see the difference between emotional and physical threats. This can cause errors in judgement because our brain wants it to be about us. This leads us to want to change others so that we can feel safe. To feel better. Natalie Clay refers to this as the third option t

  Hello, my friends! I want to invite you to think about an issue or a problem that has consumed you for a long time. It could be the choices of others. Your body. A diagnosis. The state of the world. You probably have spent a lot of time and energy trying to control this issue. But are your efforts working? My guess is your answer is no. Otherwise, you would have found a solution to your problem already. What if the issue you are spending so much time and energy thinking about isn't really the problem? What if it is the continuous rumination of the problem? Psychologists refer to this as "dirty" pain. Martha Beck teaches that when we get stuck in believing that things should or ought to be different than they are, we get stuck in proving how we--and life--are bad. I am not suggesting that we shouldn't feel pain. Pain is part of life. We will experience it half of the time. But not all pain is created equal.  "Clean pain" is different.  It helps us to feel

  Hello, my friends! It is one of my favorite times of year.    Christians all over the world are preparing to celebrate Easter Sunday.  For many of us, as part of the preparation, we reflect on the last week of the Savior's life.  We reflect on his miracles.  His life. His example.  His kindness.  His mercy.  His love. And His grace.  I love this word. Grace. A freely-given favor. I believe we are all looking for a little more grace in our lives. Some are wanting to show a little more grace for themselves. Others are seeking to give other people more grace. And many are seeking the grace of God. So many people believe they are not enough but the truth is we are all loved and seen for who we are right now   and   for who we can become. He is always offering His grace to us. It is available to each of us as we are right now. And it is also available in those moments when we are reaching for something more. We just have to look for it. All along the way. Every single day. Enabling us

What do you need to start saying "no" to in your life? This can definitely include eliminating activities that are not helping your reach your goal.  Doing this is great and can allow you to create more space in your life for what you want to create more intentionally. But, I am also suggesting that it include more than that. It means saying "no" to being the victim of your story. It means saying "no" to putting other people in charge of your emotions.   Saying "no" to showing up in your life reactionary and not in line with who you want to be. Saying "no" to believing you are not enough. Saying "no" to playing small in your life. Saying "no" to blaming others or shaming yourself. When I realized that feeling the never ending loop of self-pity and frustration wasn't helping me create more joy in my life, I decided that I needed to start saying "no.” I had to say "no" to the belief that people "