Thoughtful Thursday & The Third Option
It has been so fun to be able to gather with others in person and learn.
I will admit it was like drinking out of a fire house but it was incredible.
One thing I realized after this amazing month is that the basics of human behavior and coaching never change.
One of those basics is that we all want other people to change so that we can feel better.
Even those of us who know it isn't possible to change other people still wish we could at some level.
Our brains are designed to seek pleasure, to conserve energy, and to avoid pain.
They are built for survival and they are always doing a risk assessment but our brains can't see the difference between emotional and physical threats.
This can cause errors in judgement because our brain wants it to be about us.
This leads us to want to change others so that we can feel safe.
To feel better.
Natalie Clay refers to this as the third option that isn't an option.
Many people get stuck in believing that it is possible to change other people.
Then they are miserable while waiting for others to change.
The truth is there are only two options.
One option is to keep trying to change others and the other option is vulnerability.
Being vulnerable enough to move away from shaming ourselves and blaming others.
True confidence comes in the middle on the continuum of shame and blame by taking responsibility and getting out of resistance.
This happens by slowing the process down and recognizing that we are struggling in a moment and that is okay.
It doesn't mean we have to be positive all the time but we can be optimistic.
What would it be like if you could allow yourself to experience the "emotional flu" knowing there is always a way to feel better without living in resistance?
How would your life be different if you could increase your love of self without needing others to change?
Give it a try!
I will admit it was like drinking out of a fire house but it was incredible.
One thing I realized after this amazing month is that the basics of human behavior and coaching never change.
One of those basics is that we all want other people to change so that we can feel better.
Even those of us who know it isn't possible to change other people still wish we could at some level.
Our brains are designed to seek pleasure, to conserve energy, and to avoid pain.
They are built for survival and they are always doing a risk assessment but our brains can't see the difference between emotional and physical threats.
This can cause errors in judgement because our brain wants it to be about us.
This leads us to want to change others so that we can feel safe.
To feel better.
Natalie Clay refers to this as the third option that isn't an option.
Many people get stuck in believing that it is possible to change other people.
Then they are miserable while waiting for others to change.
The truth is there are only two options.
One option is to keep trying to change others and the other option is vulnerability.
Being vulnerable enough to move away from shaming ourselves and blaming others.
True confidence comes in the middle on the continuum of shame and blame by taking responsibility and getting out of resistance.
This happens by slowing the process down and recognizing that we are struggling in a moment and that is okay.
It doesn't mean we have to be positive all the time but we can be optimistic.
What would it be like if you could allow yourself to experience the "emotional flu" knowing there is always a way to feel better without living in resistance?
How would your life be different if you could increase your love of self without needing others to change?
Give it a try!
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